Dementia Blog conversation with Richard Hamilton, part two

Part two is about part one of the sequence, which is only just.

 

https://rh4075.substack.com/p/part-2-interview-with-author-susan

Please support Richard's substack, if you go there. It's well worth the visit. 

 

Essay about Albert Saijo's Backpacking book

 https://lithub.com/one-of-the-best-american-backpacking-books-was-written-by-a-japanese-buddhist-beat-poet/

I happen to love the backpacking book, its instructions on "how to walk," and the prints by Albert's brother, Gompers. Highly recommended. 

Albert's old cottage in Volcano is for sale for an incredibly high price! We have such fond memories of spending time with him there before he died in 2011. https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/19-3994-Kalani-Honua-Loop_Volcano_HI_96785_M94276-67411?from=srp_next

 

 

 

 

Unnoble truths

 

H does not like to drive the gators/carts. Today he was driving with someone who is not his usual partner. When he saw me, he headed up past an arrow pointing the other way, and stopped. "Where's your dog?" he said, sounding worried. I explained that while she gets dental treatment, I paid $5 to get into the Temple as a walk-in senior kama`aina. He looked a bit drawn, said he was being trained in a new job that involved little flags (arranged at the back of the cart). I asked him to say hello to O for me and Lilith.

 

I visited the temple as a writer doing research, and as a Buddhist, stung by the commercialization of the place where Lilith and I walk most mornings. It was early; I only saw large tour buses on my way out, four of them parked backwards in the recently-expanded parking lot, nestled bumper to bumper behind the orange cones.

I posted photographs. The implacability of consumerism (as Rachel Blau DuPlessis might put it) confronted my every attempt to find a quiet moment, an unsullied image. Even at the meditation gazebo, which was open and--briefly--empty, signs screamed at me not to feed the animals or run or jump or make a lot of noise. I was not wear beach attire. The word "respect" came up more than once. Other signs screamed the availability of niches and plots at "the Eternal Resort." I took my shoes off and went inside to visit the Amitaba statue. Buddha appeared calm, seated on his still lotus. I lit a stick of incense, put it in sand in a bowl beside him.

 

Outside again, ads for having your photograph taken. You can be "iconic"! You can partake in a "cultural" moment! You can buy something "more than just a photo"! Inside the gift shop, I caught sight of yet another camera, like the ones on polls throughout the cemetery. Cyclops with an eye on you and you and you. Another sign indicated that bad karma comes to those who steal. Who was not stealing?

First impressions

 

Her name rhymes with Michaela. She moved to Washington State a year ago to be with her daughter and grandchild, after years of working at Christian school here. But she's back, circling the "heart" (or cul-de-sac) at the top of the cemetery. We'd agreed once that our first impressions of one another were poor, I in my "Make Racism Wrong Again" hat, which from a distance could be confused for what it parodied, and she in her Christian themed shirts. "What's going on around here?" she asked me in her high, but not soft, voice. "The vibe is bad! And where's Scott?" I told her about the trees, the bushes, the missing cats, the missing men, the untended scars on the landscape. She yelled. "But S's wife is here," she said, meaning his late wife's grave. "He comes very early to visit her," I said, so I don't see him. She saw rhinoceros beetles the other day, dead but; Makoa says they've attacked the palms. (Without the lines of palms this place would really have a bad vibe.) There's some guy who comes and injects one of the trees, I noted, but only one it seems.

 

She misses this place. The image is in her mind at all times. She can't imagine being a grandmother, but she is. When she's here, she walks many times up and down the last hill. After Ola and Makoa come up the hill, she reaches out to give Ola a hug. She'd given him a present when his baby was coming, but she gave it to the wrong guy. 

 

We peel off, but she comes down hill after us, apologizing for saying "you've got to get rid of that cap!" No harm. She walks with us again as far as her late ex-husband's grave on the hill where an American flag flutters. There's a long story there, but clearly her visit isn't one of anger but of a more loving remembrance. Lilith and I walk toward the exit, just past where four cats lie under a gator to avoid the ever hotter sun.

The American dream

 

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I took a nice photo of Lilith with him the other day; she jumped up onto his cart to get his attention (and mine). At the back of his cart is an upside down broom and a row of flags of different colors. He's the worker who sets down flags before the graves are dug. A young man with a long tattoo down one arm, an earring in one ear. I see him either leaning over to put them down or zooming around not-quite-recklessly on his gator. Yesterday, we met at the back of the cemetery, where the large water feature makes the sounds of running water and revving machines. He asked where I live, and I pointed north toward the townhouses on the other side of `Ahuimanu School. "May I ask how much it costs to rent one?" he asked. "A lot," I said, only later telling him that a three bedroom went for over $3,000 a month. I told him that my kids have to pay nearly everything they make in rent in Seattle and Virginia. Then he asked about mortgages, how much the townhouses cost to buy. I told him that we paid off our mortgage after my mother died. We'd paid under $200K in 2001, but they're now going for well over $700K. He said his dream is to own a place. 

 

The other day I took a photograph of a man wearing a shirt that read, in modified cursive, PRIVILEGE. As if growing through the top of his cap, a pole wore a Hawai`i state flag.

Conversation with Richard Hamilton about my second dementia volume

 Recently, Richard Hamilton and I had a long discussion of my book, "She's Welcome to Her Disease": Dementia Blog, Volume 2 from Singing Horse Press. Richard has put the conversation on his substack, which is worth visiting in any case. 

 The second volume of DB kind of disappeared into the ether, so it's good to see that it's getting notice now. It's the most formally inventive of my books, using bureaucratic forms, photographs, inventories, children's stories and other materials to tell the story of my mother's last years. It's also a portrait of an Alzheimer's community, one in which people have long conversations, fall in love, fall down, and experience emotions. I miss them.

https://rh4075.substack.com/p/revisiting-shes-welcome-to-her-disease

The covers for both volumes were thoughtfully designed by Gaye Chan. 

 

On a day too hot to walk much

"If I ever met Barack Obama," the retired airplane mechanic said, "I'd tell him how much I admire his oratory, but how much more I admire Michelle's." I told my story about Obama and the skinhead, and then about the time I saw Michelle leaning over to look at me through outstretched hands as she shook mine at Ke`ehi Lagoon. (I felt her husband's hand on mine, but he didn't peak.) Alison, with whom we were walking, counted the six degrees of separation she had from Obama, including a cousin who went to Punahou with him when he was Barry. 

 

Up the hill from those stories, she and I ran into the woman who lives on the corner, her house always dolled up with flags and signs. A loud house. We talked about the heat, how she suddenly wished for the rain she'd wanted to have stop just the other day. She said she ran a lot of things in Honolulu, including the zoo, the Shell, the Blaisdell. She was really happy that they might make the zoo into a sanctuary for old elephants. Her expressiveness manifested itself several times in exclamations of "Oh shut up!!" as when Alison said she'd been at the circus when Tyke killed her trainer and ran out into the streets of Kakaako, only to be shot dead by police (1994). The police are still traumatized, she told us. Not her daughter, who was only two at the time. Her husband had told her to close her eyes when the trainer was killed, and she did. I said Tyke has a memorial stone in the pet cemetery nearby, though her body was disposed of in the Waimanalo landfill, which is somehow in Waianae. "Oh shut up!!" said the woman, who said she'd go look for it soon. She was pleased that the new zoo director used to run the zoo in DC; he also used to work for Obama, who made him ambassador to Australia. A good man, she said of the former president, whose 2008 campaign shirt I was wearing.

 

Ozymandias in `Ahuimanu

 

"I'm a senior influencer," the tall Asian man said to me and Raschelle yesterday, as he asked me to retake his photograph. It needed to include his feet, decked in bright blue Hokas. The hat he wore over his white hair and pony tail also read HOKA. His daughter works for the company in California, and the photo was for her. He lives on the other side, near Skyline (the billion dollar rail system on stilts). Everything's so noisy over there, he'd rather live over here. Now, if only the Japanese had built Skyline, it would go all the way to Hawai`i Kai by now, through Waikiki (in a tunnel under the Ala Wai), and to UH Manoa. Their speed trains were built in the 1960s and there have been zero accidents. What are they doing putting all those sculptures on the Skyline poles anyway? (I suggested they made them look a little bit less boring.) But with everything so expensive already, why decorate a pole? The trains are elevated so that they don't have to have drivers, he said.

 

Today, another walker told me that the Chinese man whose odd Christian nationalist patriotic American tomb sits at the top of the cemetery has been detained for a year now. She called up a story from Hawai`i News Now last week. "A Chinese millionaire who has invested more than $100 million in Hawaii real estate is fighting deportation by the U.S. government, claiming he fears retaliation for supporting democracy while officials say he smuggled aliens and has communist ties." You've gotta read it to believe it, and even then it seems fantastical. https://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/.../chinese-millionaire.../

 

I showed Bryson the photograph I took of him petting Lilith yesterday on his John Deere gator. "I saw it already!" he said, "Hoku and Ola showed me" He said he'd seen John, who is doing ok, better, somehow has taken a good turn. No, he doesn't have a new job but, Bryson said, as he stared off in the distance, "you've got to put yourself in his hands." He raised his toward the sky.

Land deals

He was a storyteller. His sentences moved from subject to object and the subjects then turned into pronouns and the pronouns got detached from their subjects until I realized I could never tell the story back. We met him at the top of the last hill; his small white dog ran at Lilith from a white Tesla whose logo bore a Santa Claus hat. He was an Apache from Texas who'd grown up with Mexicans. San Antonio, El Paso. Now lives near the shore off Kam Highway. And he was here to visit his grave plot. It was up for 60K, but he'd bought it for 40K because he's a fully disabled veteran. I walked to the plot with him; a small red flag marked the space, and he leaned over to pull it upright. He wants a tomb, with a statue of the Virgin Mary on it that he'll design himself. And yes, they keep calling to ask if he wants an upgrade.

 

I asked how he ended up in Hawai`i. The pronouns gathered like a rainstorm over the Ko`olau, while he communicated the story of how he and his wife came into a lot of money. Land deal in LA was at the center of it. "She" paid off everyone's houses, including his and his wife's, and they had a huge party near the graveyard in Culver City, and the other one, where the Jackson Five are. They did the rosary up there. He also inherited responsibility for a Catholic community that sheltered abused women. And he gives to St. Ann's here (later, he'd say that he needed "to go feed the poor at 11:30.") He's not a materialist, like the Mexicans in his family, but so much material came to him through his trail of pronouns. He arrived at how he'd gotten to Hawai`i, but by then all I could think of was Catholicism and land deals in California.

 

We returned to an earlier topic, the large number of transgender people he sees here. Yes, I told him, they're mahu, and I read him the definition of the word on my phone. They have an honored place in Polynesian culture (if not, alas, in the state of Hawai`i) as third gender persons. He said he supposed it didn't matter much, he was simply perplexed. We exchanged names and took photos; I sent him his as he wandered down the hill with his noisy dog. Also part chihuahua, also a hunter.

 

Lilith and I learn about "death care"

Uncertain weather. Uncertain left knee. Lilith's supine on the floor, only half-expecting a long walk, her eyes drifting closed, then open, closed again. A season of new birds; the smaller, duller colored, Brazilian cardinals chase their parents for food, though it won't be long until they'll need to find their own. Mynas squawk. Doves do what doves do, coo. Other mysterious cheepers add to the not-quite-dissonant cacophony.

 

Valley of the Temples was opened in 1963 by Paul Trousdale, a continental developer who built tract homes on the windward side of O`ahu. Waikiki also bears his imprint. The cemetery pre-dates the Temple that sits within it by five years. I've already written about the Buddhist clergymen who worked at the Temple for many years, ending in 2019, with the death of Bishop Fukuhara. By 2001, the property had been purchased by RightStar, led by John Dooley, a funeral management company (now called "death care" by the happy euphemists who write PR copy). According to one source (yes, I'm doing investigative journalism these days), RightStar had links to a Christian music group, The Imperials. I've been told that there were frequent concerts outside the administrative building. 

 

By 2009, Dooley, who'd been fired years prior, plead guilty to stealing nearly $51,000 dollars from RightStar's clients. After being indicted in 2006, he'd been picked up for speeding in Oregon and brought back to Hawai`i for trial. The fraud had been much greater than that. By 2012, none other than former Governor John Waihe`e had suffered the consequences of being trustees of RightStar. Waihe`e had earlier lobbied for the corporation. Jim Dooley wrote: "Former Hawaii Gov. John Waihe`e and three associates have agreed to pay $1.3 million to settle claims by the state Attorney General that they helped to illegally divert some $30 million from funeral and burial plans sold to thousands of Hawaii residents." Large amounts of plunder came from the trust funds set aside for upkeep of the cemetery, which were paid into by those who bought burial plots. You can see an extravagant pay schedule for Waihe`e and other trustees here: https://www.hawaiireporter.com/exclusive-new-allegations.../

 

The state controlled the properties (which included other Hawai`i cemeteries on Oahu, the Big Island, and Maui) until the business was bought by the current owner, NorthStar, in October, 2011. This is the corporation headquartered in Houston, with no local ties to this place, which is currently milking the Buddhist Temple for all it's worth (and more--or less, if you're a Buddhist--). The general manager--said to be very honest--who'd repaired RightStar's damage was promptly fired. Plans to raze the Modernist/Hawaiian administrative building were made, but fortunately never enacted. Instead, NorthStar renovated the main building.

When Lilith and I started walking the cemetery in early 2017 there was still a local feel to the place. The Temple grounds were mostly quiet. (I read somewhere that young Barack Obama liked to visit, which tells you something about the pull on local introverts. He and his family visited in 2009, as well.) The graves were laid out mostly according to ethnicity/culture: there are Chinese, Korean, Japanese sections, along with a large Catholic section. Up the hill farther, there's a "patriotic" section that tells the story on a large plaque of how immigrants made America great. Something about "tilling her soil." At the very top, a newer tomb, vast, including many as-yet-uninhabited niches behind black stone, fronted by stone (cement) images of the White House, the Capitol, and likenesses of Lincoln and Washington. Christian iconography is everywhere, as well. It's owned by a rich Chinese guy, young, I'm told. 

 

Something about this last reminds me that there's a UFC event tonight on the White House grounds between fighters who yesterday walked down the Lincoln Memorial steps, flanked by a military honor guard. It's intended to celebrate America's 250th, but just happens to coincide with Trump's 80th birthday.

 

Notes:

https://www.hawaiireporter.com/former-governor-waihee.../

https://www.atomic-ranch.com/.../retro-road-trip-valley.../

https://ag.hawaii.gov/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/2008-19.pdf

https://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/.../hawaii910280350.html

https://docomomo-hi.org/exhibits/show/subdivisions/centex

 

 

The end times

"Yes, you told me before," I said to the woman at the desk who only wants to live three more years. She's scared she'll live longer, because she's so healthy. Never had the flu, hadn't been sick in over 20 years. (But she needs new knees and had serious kidney stone surgery a few years back, remembers exactly how much it cost.) "It's so hard living in this body," she said, nodding at her walker. Her last roommate left such a mess that her friend's husband came over and cleaned the room out in two hours. It would have taken her days.

 

She did have two covid shots because she works here. "You know people spit on you when they talk," someone told her. Her face wrinkled. She believes in Jesus, in heaven and hell. Worries about her son, who does not. She prays for him. She left a small church (of 300) because they didn't do any social distancing. One woman died of covid. Now she's at Calvary, where the pastor preaches about the end times. 150,000 tune in on zoom to hear him. 

 

The other year she stopped doing her Christmas tree; she'd collected ornaments for decades. She spread them out on the table, Macy's style, and gave them to her children and grandchildren so they could start their own Christmas rituals. One son is in his mid-50s. 

 

Lilith and I moved out of the way of a woman with a large white flower display attached to a frame. There were lots of funerals today. Lilith and I wandered up hill. On our way down, we saw the man in black, showed him the photograph I'd taken of him, told him S was happy to hear about him, got a quick hug and hurried home in the hot sun. Lilith's on the couch now, nose on her blanket.

Valentina Meloni writes about Io ed Eucalipto / I and Eucalyptus

 Here is the essay in Italian: https://www.rivista-diwali.art/io-ed-eucalipto-susan-schultz-recensione/

 There's a translation function that pops up, which seems good enough, though it keeps referring to me as "he," which is disconcerting.

And here is something about the essayist, https://thepunchmagazine.com/author/valentina-meloni 

 

And here is the essay in English. Google doesn't do pronouns, apparently.

In the silence of eucalyptus: Valentina Meloni reads Susan M. Schultz

12 June 2026 Valentina Meloni InEvidence, InNews, InVerso, InVerso (poetry) 0

“Me and Eucalyptus” by Susan M. Schultz: the metaphysical relationship between man and nature in nature writing

There are books about trees that teach to recognize species, others that tell the forests as places of salvation, still others that transform the landscape into autobiography. Me and Eucalyptus by Susan M. Schultz belongs to a rarer category: that of books seeking a relationship.

In the great tradition of nature writing — from Henry David Thoreau to Roger Deakin, to the most recent books dedicated to trees as living, symbolic, almost interlocutory creatures — Schultz chooses a very personal path. He doesn't cross woods, he doesn't build a botanical atlas, he doesn't tell nature as a refuge. He remains next to a single tree. A eucalyptus observed day after day, photographed, interrogated, heard.

From this fidelity comes a surprising, hybrid and luminous book, which continuously oscillates between poetry, meditation, diary and philosophical reflection.

The author looks at the tree as you look at a living being capable of presence. Not an object of the landscape, but something that exists next to her, in the mystery of an impossible yet real reciprocity:

“Eucalyptus and I cannot communicate, even if we are in communion.”

Perhaps this is the phrase that best guards the heart of the book. Schultz knows that the tree will never speak the human language, and yet he continues to turn to him. He observes the bark, the resin, the colors, the wounds. He photographs it obsessively, as if each image could bring it closer to something essential.

And the images, in these pages, count as much as the words. Photography is not just documentation: it is a way of being in the world, of measuring the distance between what we see and what really exists.

“Focus is presence.”

But the presence never coincides with possession. Schultz understands it continuously: every attempt to capture the tree risks turning it into an image, into an “object”, into something separate. For this reason, the book dialogues underground with the thought of Martin Buber and his distinction between “I-You” and “I-It”. The eucalyptus always remains on the border: a real creature and at the same time irreducible, near and far.

The writing proceeds by lightning, fragments, intuitions. Schultz naturally passes from personal memory to philosophy, from the contemplation of the tree to the violence of the contemporary present. In the book enter the war, the media images, the technology, the chatbots, the digital photography, the incessant noise of the modern world. Yet the eucalyptus remains there, motionless, almost to guard another temporality.

Some passages reach an extraordinary poetic intensity:

“Your silences don’t bother me. They protect me.”

or:

“The tree is broken (however it stands.”

In these sentences you can feel something that goes beyond ecological discourse. The tree becomes a figure of human vulnerability, of resistance, of memory that continues to live despite the wounds.

Yet Eucalyptus and I never indulge in easy sentimentality. Schultz does not idealize nature and does not transform it into consolation. He knows that every look is partial, that even photography can lie:

“To see is already to interpret, and to interpret is inevitably to lie.”

It is precisely this awareness that makes the book so contemporary. The author does not seek absolute truths: she seeks a form of attention. A chance to stay by the way without dominating them.

As in Roger Deakin's most beautiful books, here too the landscape becomes an inner experience; but Schultz is more fragmentary, more philosophical, more restless. Where Deakin recounted the cultural relationship between man and nature, Schultz stages an almost metaphysical relationship, made of silences, images and unanswered questions.

At the end of the book there remains the feeling of having inhabited a space of rare contemplation in contemporary literature. A place where a single tree still manages to oppose the speed of the world, forcing us to look better.

And maybe that's what Susan M gives us. Schultz: not a lesson about nature, but an exercise in presence.

 

 

 

 

 

Ceci n'est pas un conte de Lilith

The frame shop on Sand Island is located in the grittiest (and that is kind) part of Honolulu. It puts the warehouse in warehouse district; the streets are flat and hot; battered mattresses and rusted metal, old buses and motorcycles seem flung down like dice. Go down an alley, ring a bell and you're ushered into a windowless space that's quiet except for the yapping of a small dog. It's like stepping into a bunker. One of two or three women give you a mask before you enter. There's a large table to the left where they measure photographs and paintings for frames. The last time I was there, the large table was nearly completely covered by a canvas that exploded into the dull room, awash in bright colors. "What's that?" I asked, startled. "That's a David Hockney; someone just bought the painting at an auction." RIP

Shadow boxing on Kahekili

The man in black--black baseball cap, black Raiders sweatshirt, black pants, black running shoes--usually runs down the other side of Kahekili from us, stopping occasionally to use the guard rail as his gym equipment. Other days he runs on our side up past the cemetery entrance, boxing with the flexible bollards. Thwack thwack go the bollards. 

 

Daniel, for that is his name, is one of the very few people who remember mine, but not Lilith's. It's because his father had a girlfriend named Susan. I said she must have been born in the 1950s or 60s, before the name died out, and he nodded. We talked a bit about the cemetery, the cut trees, the cut employees, the cut community.

 

I asked him what he does when he's not out exercising. "I'm my dad's caretaker," he says. His father is 80 and has Alzheimer's. Daniel is his sole caregiver. It's hard when they don't recognize you. But he's a healthy man! 

 

I tell him about my dementia books. He says how good it is to talk to other people who've had similar experiences. I take some pictures of him, his lined face, his big smile. He heads off to the district park, past the blue couch that was dumped there the other day. Lilith and I walk toward the cemetery, heading for the ritual grooming by O and H. Lilith is training the new guy to pet her, too.

See less

Job openings

"The bishop--he was one of a kind--," O said, when I asked after the Buddhist clergyman who used to work at the Temple. "He watched me and my sister grow up" (he held his hand out to the height of a child); "took my sister to McDonald's all the time. My mother worked in the gift shop; the whole family worked here." He remembers bon dances at the Temple.

 

In 2014, I read, the current management wanted to tear down the main building near Kahekili. Designed by a resort architect, George Pete Wimberley, whose work was "'exuberant and odd,'” says Mike Gushard, president of the Hawai‘i chapter of DoCoMoMo (Documentation and Conservation of the Modern Movement)." (I quote from _Honolulu Magazine_ from November, 2014, on-line.) It was slated to be replaced by a 30,000 square foot funeral home. 

 

"When did the new owner buy the place?" I asked O. He didn't remember, though he did know that the previous owner also had a "Star" in the name. He thought it started with Red, but I find an abandoned web site for Right Star funeral home, with the VOT Kahekili address. The domain is possibly for sale. Their Hawai`i address (they still operate here in Nu`uanu, I find) contrasts with the current owner, whose corporate headquarters is located in Houston, Texas. Go to the corporate website and you find that "Empathy meets Opportunity." "A culture built around people." The photograph underneath these words is a view of Valley of the Temples "heart" feature at the top, close to the mountains, the place with good Feng Shui.

 

The leadership team on the website of the Houston business features 12 white faces, only one of which belongs to a woman. Closer to home, I find this notice of available jobs: "Current openings around Oahu include positions in Kaneohe, Waipahu, and Honolulu, with hourly rates ranging from $16 for reception/gift shop roles to over $28 for licensed embalmers." The CEO's salary is not listed publicly, but the corporation, I find, pulls in between $100 and $500 million a year. You try living on $16 an hour here.

 

On Indeed, I find the following 1 star review of the corporation. "What is the most stressful part about working at the company? Toxic work environment due to poor management What is the work environment and culture like at the company? Toxic because of egotistical managers. Management is to money focused What is a typical day like for you at the company? You help families and fight for your right with management"

 

Lilith and I walked in gentle--then less gentle--rain this morning. The mountains were out of scroll paintings; the place was quiet. It really did feel like a sanctuary (before opening time). We met a couple from Arkansas in the parking area. She was carefully examining plants. "Oh yes, she's VERY interested in them," opined her husband. They have a family cemetery in Camden, Arkansas, which they maintain themselves. I point out the ex-trees nearby. Ever the bearer of bad news am I. Last I saw them, they were climbing the stairs to the Cambodian/Chinese altar. Someone still puts incense and oranges there. Tinny music emerges from a small speaker.

 

Money and death, a meditation

Lilith and I took a shorter walk than is usual this morning; my knees and hips hurt last night. Lilith has been a bit stiff-legged of late, too. Yesterday at the cemetery I was hailed by a Cardinals fan and later by a couple who wanted to know if Lilith is a Swedish Vallhund. Humane society, more like, though the Vallhund does bear a resemblance to her, when I look later. Two people in recent days have reached out to Lilith because they miss their dogs at home (Orlando, Arizona). As a walker, I'm also a tourist, despite my "eh, Ola, get one pony tail?" at the top of the hill. Better put, I'm the liminal space between visitors and workers and other walkers, to whom I tell my stories. And, of course, the dead. 

 

The Byodo-in Temple at the back of the cemetery used to provide a strong link to the local Japanese Buddhist community. An on-line guidebook, dated 2021 but undoubtedly written years earlier, reads: "Other ongoing events and activities offered at Byodo-In include cast paper sculpting each Tuesday, the art of making ribbon lei on Thursday, sumi-e or ink painting each Friday, and ikebana or Japanese flower arranging and tea ceremony on the second Saturday of the month. Visitors may also enjoy Jorei, a cleansing body and mind therapy, offered by practitioners who visit the temple regularly." The guide book tells us about "the wizened reverend of Byodo-in," Rev. Fukuhara, and the "events coordinator, Nancy Kreis." She was in charge of community engagement, I find, and also a "sales consultant," based on her referring some of her friends to the business (of "death care," as their website calls it). 

 

Rev. Fukuhara died in 2019. Nancy Kreis is no longer associated with Valley of the Temples cemetery. They appear to have been the last links in a chain between the local community and the temple. Some days, most recently Memorial Day, the cemetery is full of local people, bringing flowers and plate lunches to their ancestors' graves. I talk to them when they--and their restless small children--notice Lilith. We chat over their small hands on Lilith's head. That this demographic is changing is clear from a new job ad at the cemetery for "bilingual" sales people. I doubt if that means they're looking for Ilocano speakers. Instead, I suspect that the monstrous Christian nationalist tomb at the top of the hill, developed by a Chinese man who wants his tomb bigger than that of the good general farther down the hill, presages what's to come. Ferdinand Marcos's ex-tomb seems modest, by comparison. 

 

This place of "deep calm and peace" (see the website) now exists only in corporate language. It's now the land of huge tour buses, bright rental cars, and omnipresent orange cones. The woman who used to sell tickets to the temple quit, replaced by employees from the gift shop. The security guys are all gone, replaced by cameras on tall sticks, each with its own solar panel. The golden phoenixes on either side of the temple roof are better described, as one worker put it to me, as "fighting chickens." Money and death, as you like it. The Temple stands, empty of ritual, but full of visitors.

Gas lighting delivered by underlings

There's always a reason, often delivered by the workers. Increasingly, they speak softly, indirectly. 

 

"The trees were cut because of the storms." All storms? The most recent storm? The storm of money to be made from newly cleared sight lines? Because the trees were less beautiful than the view of a new golden sign (with arrow pointing where to go to see more sites) on the new water feature?

 

"They have to bring in a lot of tourists to pay for upkeep of the temple." Wouldn't there be less required upkeep if they didn't have 300,000 people a year tromping through?

Lilith and I get surveilled

 

"That's funny," I told the Filipina woman who emerged from the back of the Temple area to shoo me away, holding a shaka to the side of her head like a phone. "There are cameras all around," she gestured, "and I got a call." It was 7:45 a.m., 45 minutes before opening. I told her we walk in the cemetery every day, and she softened, a bit. "It's a corporation," she said, indicating her lack of responsibility for what she was doing, and I told her I understood. But I did tell her that I didn't like what was happening to the temple and the cemetery. Looking around, I saw a flimsy white deck with fencing, where tourists can pose for pictures with their lei; a shack (what they sell unclear at this early hour); I heard no clanking of bamboo in the wind, because the bamboo were bulldozed months ago. Behind the "sacred bell" and up a hill beside the temple, there's a meditation hut. A sign suggests that you can go there for silence, to get away from the crowds. But the path that led there was blocked off. If you want to feed carp in the pond these days, the food costs $6 (according to Hoku), as much as the new parking charge (and they know if you park near the cemetery entrance for free and walk up, without paying).

I told her that I had a student at UH whose grand uncle was resident minister at the Temple, back when it was actually Buddhist. He sent me this information a couple of weeks ago. I'm uncertain of its provenance, but he would know. He had been the first and the last resident minister.

 

### 1. It is Dedicated as a Sacred Space

Even though the temple does not belong to a single exclusive Buddhist sect (like Jodo Shinshu or Soto Zen), it was still officially dedicated as a sacred, interfaith Buddhist space when it opened in 1968 to commemorate the 100th anniversary of Japanese immigrants arriving in Hawaii. To maintain its authenticity as a sacred temple rather than just an empty theme park attraction, the creators wanted ordained clergy on-site.

 

Lilith and I left the way we came, over the short bridge and under the yellow rope. Looking up to the left, we saw a surveillance camera staring at us; on the other side of the bridge, we saw another couple of cameras, attached to the small building where tourists buy tickets. The prices had gone up recently. But before leaving her, I asked to "please say hello to Rex for me." He da boss.

 

_____________________________

 

My former student also sent me his grand-uncle's obituary: "The Rev. Egen Iwasaburo and Mutsuko Yoshikami, husband and wife, of Enchanted Lake will be remembered in services 6 p.m. Tuesday at Hosoi Garden Mortuary. He was a retired resident minister at Byodo-in Temple, aged 93, and his wife, Mutsuko, was a retired Shiatsu practitioner, aged 80. He died Sunday Sep 26, 1999 in a head-on collision on Kaneohe Bay Drive."

Simone Weil again

I just splurged on a three volume set of Weil's Cahiers off ebay. I wrote a short book about ten years ago, based on quotations from her notebooks (a translation of which I found in our university library). I'm also watching Benjamin Braude's lecture on the ways that her editors misrepresented her work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnaAQRIJm_M

 And I found this generous selection of my Weil work at seedings, from Jerrold Shiroma's (late) on-line journal through Duration Press. (He also published a generous selection from Caroline Sinavaiana's mother elegies, which I go to quite often these days.) You can read her work here: https://durationpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/seedings-7_c-sinavaiana-gabbard.pdf

So here are some of my Simone Weil memory cards: https://durationpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/seedings-2_s-m-schultz.pdf 

 The book was published by Rod Mengham's Equipage Press in the UK.  https://equipagepress.weebly.com/

 Attention--not self-promotion--is a form of prayer. But herewith a promotional prayer . . .  

WAR DIARY: post-blurbs

My newest book, WAR DIARY, has no blurbs on or in it, but I've gotten some lovely responses from writer-friends. Spuyten Duyvil has put their remarks up on the website, here: https://spuytenduyvil.net/War-Diary.html 

 

 

A tree between us

I'd spoken to her before, the woman who'd stood beside a tree stump where the tree that had shaded her parents' grave had been. She was with a man this time, he solid with tattoos, holding an orange leaf blower. I mentioned the missing trees. "We complained about it," said the man, "but they didn't have any explanation." I suggested that the tree had come between the top of the hill and the new water feature with its loud gold lettering (in the early morning sun). Can't break that monetized line of sight. "They did respond," the woman said, "to tell us they could move my parents somewhere else; something could be arranged." "But we'd have to pay for it," the man added.

 

from Startles

It must have been those dementia classes I took from my mother that made me re-read The Memory Police, though there was little re- to it, as I can’t remember plots. I recalled the concept (authoritarian state demands forgetting on an uncertain schedule): characters are startled by disappearances. Birds, libraries, novels, you name it until you can’t. The plot lines: a novelist who writes about a typist whose voice was stolen by her instructor, who imprisons her in a room full of dead machines; a journalist hidden under the floorboards of the novelist’s house; an old man who lives in a half-sunken ferry; a dog. Novels require furniture, but that’s what I forget.

I did remember the box of things forgotten, hidden away by the novelist’s mother. I did remember that some characters still remember what everyone else has forgotten. They’re on the run from the Memory Police, who seem to remember what they’re mandated to make others forget. Everyone lives on an island, the better to symbolize their isolation. The ferry boat finally sinks, and the old man joins the novelist and her journalist friend in the house with the dog.

They’re like worry stones, these objects laid out on a narrow bed. To touch them is not to remember their purpose, but at least to know they existed. The day the birds flew away, I imagine their songs were pulled away like ribbons. Did the birds escape their being forgotten? And do they look under their nests for the old tunes to pull out like worms?

I dreamed I was covered with feathers, like a duck, that I stayed dry under their soft slick umbrella. Now I’m in a small room, as if hidden below the house, typing as it rains. A friend saw rain on the streaming video of Kilauea yesterday, but at least she witnessed the eruption. Afterwards, scarves of steam rose from the lava. Some evenings this is our screen saver, preserved by our distance from the “episode,” ash and tephra raining on black rock.

Plot lines bob and weave, run their patterns toward the basket; score and that chapter ends. Sentences are cords that bind the stories to pallets. Meaning’s the Matson liner that carries them into an introspective space that grows more bare. We might forget it soon, what with the pressures of reality that seem so farcical, or the farce that persuades us it’s real. The space of a small room with two narrow beds, one for each man afflicted by demons.

They love to play chess together, these two. We play medieval music, imagining knights, knowing ourselves to be pawns. The pawn philosopher types and types in her narrow room, feeling less like Wordsworth’s nuns, fretting more at the daily news. One paper would send you to the North Shore for pools of clear water. Another tells you about a mob that nearly killed a teenager and a lifeguard.

Bird songs sound inside the rain dropping on palm fronds behind the brown fence behind our upside down shirts on the laundry line under the eaves. I see no source for any of this, neither rain nor song nor palm tree. What I cannot see is as if forgotten, the lives we didn’t have before we were born. Every newspaper he ever read was the same, he told his son. All the news that’s fit to type.

 

Note: 

 In lieu of a review of Yuki Ogawa's The Memory Police.

 

Taking sides

 

What should(n't) have surprised me.

 

Twice recently, while telling other walkers about the recent firings at the cemetery, they have taken the side of management. "Maybe they need the money"; "Maybe the workers have been there so long they make a lot of money, so they're starting over with new workers"; "Let's hope it's for the better." At best, a shrug and a "too bad." At worst, a defense of vulture capitalism's inhumane treatment of workers. And always, "I hope it turns out for the best." One walker kindly offered to tell me good news the next time she hears it.

 

Coda: last night on our last short walk, Lilith and I ran into a neighbor who named her black dog Betty White. A pert dog, often dressed in raincoat or sweater, walking with her person every morning and afternoon. "Where's your other half?" I asked her, walking by herself. "She died." Rather suddenly, at five years old, though several vets had pronounced her just fine in her last week. RIP Betty White. A good dog. While she and I talked, Lilith sat on her haunches, clearly aware. "I believe in God," our neighbor said.

The view from McDonald's

 

He was one of the pilgrims of Kahekili, more frequent these days. From the back, his sandals resembled those I remember from the book of Bible stories my father gave me as a child. If he'd had a donkey, he could have been Jesus. A man with a blue bed roll on his back, he carried a plastic bag in his right hand. He'd turned out from `Ahuimanu Park, was lucky the custodian wasn't there, who guards the place like a hawk from poor people and dogs. Wore a slight limp, turned to cross the highway toward the McDonald's on the corner. Having caught up to him, I said I'd spot him a cup of coffee, if I had any money on me, which I didn't. He was a worn looking white man with a white beard, who didn't look impressed at my imaginary offer.

 

At the end of our cemetery walk, Lilith and I heard a tour guide tell his flock (one of purple hair, another with orange, others more non-descript) that that was the only place where you could get spam and rice and look at such a beautiful view. "Are you talking about 'the most beautiful McDonald's in the world?'" I asked. "And where does that come from?" He told me it was all over social media. I mean, it's a beautiful place, but he's sure there are other beautiful places with McDonald's, too.

from Startles

Startles

A big brown dog on a gurney, the other side of the window, lifts up her head, looks for her person on my side. My gaze is caught, like a vision of reddest cloth the moment after meditation. Not epiphany, which means too much, or story, meaning too little. I have been soaked in words so long, but I find none now, if words mean.

That her face was chiseled, marvelous, was not lost to me. I remarked on its beauty to the man who brought her. He’d been all the way to Waikele, where no one could see her. But this wasn’t aesthetics, not at all. Her face offered me no affect, no interpretation.

The common trigger, like a virus, is exclusion. Someone pulls it, you count it down, then the monkey enters the brain pan, scampering in its cell. The job of monkey mind, the psychologist tells me, is to make you feel alone. So there’s no monkey there, just shadows, echoes. A rope for swinging on.

You’re in the waiting room, your mind on a swing. There’s an earth mover aria on the sound system, calling out squeals and squeaks and groans. The only sense is return. The blur of it. What shutter speed could slow it down?

My husband listened to Moby Dick sped up on his kindle. It was ok, he assured me, because he could hear his own voice through the mechanical patter. A vision of Pip in a vortex comes up. A vet tech came out to lead the man toward the examination room. Lilith and I left for home.

 

The family feel

Tall, lean Jean was spidering up the hill as Lilith and I came down from the loop at the top of the cemetery, which everyone calls "the heart," but I insist is "the cul-de- sac." She'd just returned from a walking trip in Japan. "Why are all my friends going to Japan now?" I wondered. "Because it's cheap," she said. 

 

While she was away, I told her, S and J were fired, along with all the security guys. Jean retired as an x-ray technician. "When I was at Kapiolani Hospital," she said, "there was a local family feel. After the place was bought by a mainland corporation, that ended. Not the way they operate."

 

The gossip trader

 

"What, no drink of water, no bathroom break?" asked J at the front desk. "Just wanted to say hello," I responded, "and to say I miss my friends at the guard shack." She knew about S being "terminated," but nothing about Uncle J. "How is it that I sit here all day at the entrance and you know more than I do?" she asked. "Oh, I pick up gossip when I enter, drop it off at the back of the cemetery, pick up more and return it." She guessed that the boss didn't want the old loyalties any more; he's installing his own people. She was especially fond of S, who'd once called her one of the best looking people he knew. He'd been kind when she'd had surgeries a few years ago.

 

Up the hill, O and H came zooming around a corner in their John Deere vehicle (lots of them buzz around the grounds like mad golf carts). I pretended to recoil in fear. They stopped, and O fell to the ground in meditation position, right on the asphalt. Lilith came over and he formed a kind of kind arch over her, as he offered her his attention. Fur flew. "You made my day," he says. Upset with the boss. "He tell me what for do when I already know what for do; it's annoying."

 

The day after Memorial Day: acres of little American flags, paper plates, eggs, fruit cups, crackers, entire lunches, a half-peeled grapefruit. In one trash can, evidence of the new Popeyes in Kaneohe, alongside the usual McDonald's brown bags and napkins. A large Coca Cola cup, with plastic straw and loud flag motif, sat on the grass.

The [word] is not love

 

I called him on it. "[Word] Paul," O called the mortician. "Did you actually use that word?" I asked, wondering at Paul's reaction. "Oh he was ok with it. I use [the word] with my [Hawaiian word] friends on the mainland; you're my [word]," he added. They call me the [word] too. "I'd never use that word," I told him. "The word wouldn't hurt kids growing up now," H added. As if. 

 

"Well, it's just a word," said O.

Lilith encounters a reader and a poet

On our way to the bus stop to meet the poet from Cebu and St. Louis, Lilith and I ran into the man who reads my books. We'd met in the cemetery a while back, so I told him the cemetery is going to hell, what with downed trees and fired staff. "I believe in enjoying the moment," he replied. "I hope things work out in the end." They'd found a mass in his kidney, said he could live with one only. So he's enjoying his life, still has both kidneys.

 

The poet from Cebu and St. Louis got off the bus and crossed Hui Iwa Street. I introduced him to the man who reads my books, who asked if the poet is in them. "Not yet," the poet said. Lilith had greeted the poet as if he knew her, and was happy to receive the other man's blessings, as well.

 

After dinner, the poet from Cebu and St. Louis looked at my books on the shelf, made from Philippine mahogany by my husband. He pulled one out whose font he liked. "It looks lighter than the others," he said. "Well, except for the pieces about gun violence," I responded.

 

In Portland once, a poet introduced me as the woman who "goes into the DARKNESS." Oh tell me, where is the light?