Not to try to
interpret . . . but to look . . . till the light suddenly dawns.
To take a photograph that can be guessed at, but not mean, as if
image were music, the shadow of a strip of paint on the parking
structure deck. Almost bird, but not. Almost slingshot. Almost moon
surface. Almost topo map. Stunned by its mis-fit, this queering of
decay (see Sara Ahmed). A sunset streams down the grid of parking
stalls, but that’s not the good photograph, even as orange sun points
toward us on our way to a baseball game. I
love pulling back from assigning a name to this shape and its
shadow, the way an image moves a viewer, but in what direction she
can’t describe. Rothko’s parking structure, sacred rot.
White lines peel upward, the letter G hardly itself any more. There’s a
walkway from one to the other side of the structure; there are
benches, planters, a formerly green area (before they put in solar
paneled roofs). No one wanted to sit there on the concrete, in
the high sun, beside the dying grass, but as an architectural feature
it made some sense. That’s the problem with sense, isn’t it,
that it makes without meaning, and meaning so often makes so little
of sense. The ex-president talks about languages that no one speaks
crossing our borders. It’s hard to imagine such bodiless sounds
drifting over the southern border in the sun, craving water and a
blanket, spelling themselves out for audiences of one. Clearly, we’re
meant to see them as dangerous in a synesthesia of fear. The floating
wall in the Rio Grande can’t stop them, this viral sound that hints
at sense but refuses to signify.
The
language flees its homeland, broken into noise; somewhere in the
caravan we might find its privileged ear, the conch that understands
its tones. A conch sounded before the game, though it was piped in.
Conches sounded before the movies, as hula dancers filled the
suburban screens. A sound of yearning, untuned from the sacred, cow
bell used to alert children to dinner. In this country, you can’t
have children (by IVF) and you can’t not have children to save your life (by
abortion). But we need more children! says
the senator to the press.
The
forming and the deforming land mirror each other. Lava from a
helicopter, parking structure from my iPhone. The land is moving. The
image is moving. But to see it, we need to park ourselves. When the
fire station was damaged by a tornado, donors sent folding chairs for
the firefighters to sit in. It’s a waiting game. If you slow down
far enough, there’s nothing to see but what’s there in front of you.
Note:
Italicized phrase by Simone Weil.