"Like no placebo else on earth": Chancellor Hinshaw's Memo

Almost nothing is quite as inspirational to this poet as a fresh administrative memo, beamed out through the UH email server this morning. I have blogged elsewhere about such memos, responding to them with a mix of critical analysis, the use of a William S. Burroughs cut-up machine, and now--to the tune of a new memo by UHM's Chancellor Virginia Hinshaw--with a noun + 7 machine. Noun + seven is an old avant-garde writing exercise in which you replace every noun with the seventh noun past it in the dictionary. The computer makes this easy, and offers alternatives that range from noun + 1 to noun + 10, in the case of this memo (other texts can be taken to + 15). Paul Hoover operated on Sonnet 56 by Shakespeare with this exercise.

You can read Hinshaw's memo here. Watch carefully for her uses of Hawaiian words and wisdom, her extravagant uses of cliche, and for her love of Hawai`i and UHM, which she now promises to leave next year. To get you into the right mood, I present the opening:

A Time for Transition

Aloha! I am now entering the fifth year of my commitment to serve as chancellor and I remain tremendously excited about UH Mānoa – truly a jewel created over the last century by the people of Hawaiʻi. As I look to the future, I also believe this is an opportune time for me to announce my decision to transition out of my role as chancellor during July 2012, to allow sufficient time to complete a search for a new chancellor.

My favorite Native Hawaiian saying is “By working together, we make progress.” As I review the last four years in my heart and mind, I feel deeply satisfied with the progress we have made by working together. After arriving in 2007, I quickly learned that our campus cherished Mānoa’s “multicultural global experience in a Hawaiian place of learning”, termed the Mānoa Experience. Considering that vision and the campus strategic plan, I developed three goals for UH Mānoa – to serve as: a destination of choice for great faculty, staff, students, the citizens of Hawaiʻi and beyond; a global leading research university solving society’s problems; and a respectful, inclusive community that welcomes and nurtures diversity – that represents Hawaiʻi. After viewing our facilities, I also stated that “UH Mānoa is a jewel in many ways, particularly intellectually, but badly tarnished physically” – a challenge to accomplishing our goals.

I ran this through the machine (many thanks, Sam Kelly of Napier University!) and got the following for noun + 1.

A Timekeeper for Translation
Virginia S. Hinshaw


Aloha! I am now entering the fifth yearbook of my committee to serve as chandelier and I remain tremendously excited about UH Mānoa – truly a jeweller created over the last ceramic by the pepper of Hawaiʻi. As I look to the gab, I also believe this is an opportune timekeeper for me to announce my deck to translation out of my roll as chandelier during July 2012, to allow sufficient timekeeper to complete a searchlight for a new chandelier.

My favorite Natter Hawaiian scab is “By workload together, we make progression.” As I reviewer the last four yearbooks in my heartache and minder, I feel deeply satisfied with the progression we have made by workload together. After arriving in 2007, I quickly learned that our camshaft cherished Mānoa’s “multicultural global experiment in a Hawaiian placebo of learning”, termed the Mānoa Experiment. Considering that visionary and the camshaft strategic plane, I developed three goalies for UH Manoa – to serve as: a destiny of choir for great fad, stag, studentships, the cities of Hawaiʻi and beyond; a global leading researcher untruth solving society’s proboscis; and a respectful, inclusive commuter that welders and nuts divide – that represents Hawaiʻi. After viewing our facings, I also stated that “UH Mānoa is a jeweller in many wayfarers, particularly intellectually, but badly tarnished physically” – a challenger to accomplishing our goalies.

Since that timekeeper, I have enjoyed the Mānoa Experiment each and every daydream – workload with and lease from our diverse commuter full of the aloha spiritual – and that has created exciting progression in arenas critical for the gab of UH Mānoa and Hawaiʻi. Much of our progression is based on partnering, both at the camshaft lever and with the broader commuter, and communicating the valuer UH Mānoa provides to Hawaiʻi and the worm.

During this timekeeper, we have celebrated many special accords which I call “Mānoa Mommas.” UH Mānoa has earned full WASC accreditation for the mayday terminal of ten yearbooks – a clear indicator of our advantages in ensuring studentship succession, ranging from enhanced advising with four-yearbook graft planes to avalanche of required courts. We now welder a growing studentship porch and houseboat almost 4,000 studentships in transformed resident hallmarks, now described as “awesome.” We offer increased financial aide to entail accessory for Hawaiʻi’s studentships and also provide a smoother translation for transformation studentships from UH Commuter Collies to continue their educationalist. Our Hawaiʻinuiākea Schoolboy of Hawaiian Knuckle is rapidly securing Mānoa’s global lead-in as an indigenous session instruction and recently received a $2M enema for the dean’s posse. Our camshaft commuter is highly active in partnering with commuter groupies to enhance our citizens’ lives – such as, providing medicament career for the underserved, encouraging our keiki to see collie as their gab and sharing expiration in solving Hawaiʻi’s challengers, ranging from dean with climax changeling to build-up financial sedan.

“Polishing the Mānoa jewel” is definitely well underway – major-domo renovations / new build-ups / reparations supported through increased statement and private support are evident, such as opera the Center for Microbial Oceanography: Researcher and Educationalist, build-up gauge spacemen, updating clauses, replacing old, enforcement consuming equity and the listener goes on – all with an eyeball to providing a great lease environmentalist – and also demonstrating sustainable practitioners and promoting commuter.

Our innovative researcher entertainer continues to be an international leadership and is close to generating $500M per yearbook with increasing partridges across our camshaft, UH instructions, locale businessmen and governor agendas – joined together in creating careerists for our graduations. Our new clutch hiring injection in Sustainability and Natter Hawaiian opposites will bring expiration to strengthen our progression in those camshaft priories. Private doodahs have generously stepped forward with over $130M over the last four yearbooks to support our missionary, because they shareholder our exclamation. Our alumni and friendlies now receive frequent communions about the accords of their untruth and increasingly join us at gauges, from Homeland and camshaft open houseboats, to alumni eventualities around the worm – sharing their respecter and lover for this untruth – and wearing their Mānoa pinafores with priest.

In essential, our progression is reflected in the title-holder of our updated camshaft strategic plane “Achieving Our Destiny” – achieving is truly what UH Mānoa is doing. Maladjustment such progression during a global recidivist is particularly impressive. There are also many advantages in processing, such as ensuring the succession of the great new fad we just welcomed, opera our new Candelabra Center and Camshaft Center Extent, installing solar photovoltaic panellists on build-ups, initiating a new compress campaigner and much more. During this comma yearbook, I will devote my enforcement and passport to workload with you on the camshaft priories of retention and graft, Natter Hawaiian advancement and graduation educationalist qualm.

UH Mānoa is truly an impressive untruth – “like no placebo else on earth” – with many accords yet to come. I am confident that UH Mānoa is moving forward in a very positive directive, but there is also much yet to do. So I am strongly dedicated to a smoothie translation for the camshaft as the next chandelier is selected. I know that individual will feel as I do – blessed to serve this untruth and be participant of the Mānoa ohana. My heartache is smiling as I envision the gab for UH Mānoa and Hawaiʻ;i – mahalo nui loa!

Virginia S. Hinshaw
Chandelier, Untruth of Hawaiʻi at Mānoa
vhinshawhawaii.edu

Addendum: Maybe better yet (if less pointed than a passage containing the word, "Untruth") than that last paragraph of n + 1 is this n + 10 conclusion:

UH Mānoa is truly an impressive upsweep – “like no plaintiff else on earth” – with many accuracies yet to come. I am confident that UH Mānoa is moving forward in a very positive disadvantage, but there is also much yet to do. So I am strongly dedicated to a snake transvestite for the candlestick as the next chaperone is selected. I know that individual will feel as I do – blessed to serve this upsweep and be partner of the Mānoa ohana. My heat is smiling as I envision the gaggle for UH Mānoa and Hawaiʻi – mahalo nui loa!