OBU loves words. OBU
loves short words, like “bird” and like “sky.” OBU looks to
the things themselves for confirmation they still exist, the “bird”
in the “sky” over the “mountain,” with or without “clouds.”
OBU loves words, but
finds it easier to lose the “bird” than to flush out the
“shithole.” OBU wants to sit with the most beautiful words, suck
on them like smooth stones, taste the salt left by sea water, hear
the “waves,” see the “surf.” OBU finds this akin to “love.”
But OBU cannot
forget the conjoined words “shit” and “hole.” OBU picks up
her dog's shit, and doesn't mind. She puts that shit in the
dumpster's maw. She doesn't mind.
But the word
“shithole” hurts. She cannot get it out of her head, her chest,
or off her fingers. It sticks as much as stinks. It's crazy glue but
it doesn't pull our torn skin together.
OBU argues with her
kids about who makes the house more a shithole than the other. It's a
lame effort at humor, because some of us are white and some of us are
brown. Some are Norway to others' shitholes.
OBU wants to put
“shithole” in a container. Like one of those containers that
keeps radioactive materials off our roads, out of our water. OBU
wants to wash these words with pure water, to pull them out of their
ponds and let them dry in the sun. OBU wants clean words, as Williams
said of Moore's lexicon.
But OBU feels the
urge to censor, to destroy, to burn the word, to diminish the
language in order to save it. OBU has the torch and the word comes
with straw attached, as so much attaches to shit.
OBU wonders how to
have the word and let it rest. There's a rest in music, and there are
commas in the sentence. But is there rest in our politics? It's a
shitstorm, after all, though “shit” seems less toxic in that word
than in “shithole.”
OBU can find no rest
except in taking exception, moving to the rain forest and turning off
the Wifi. OBU wants that rest, but feels traitorous for considering
it. OBU wants to hear the news without falling in its shithole.
Shithold.
The forest of words
hides our trauma until it explodes. There are landmines in our
language, and we lose arms and legs (as our leader points out in
another context). We lose the limbs of our sentences. We bleed
particles, but nothing adds up to walking or breathing or bird or
sky.
OBU wants her
language back. This is not nostalgia or the vatic hope for beauty and
lollygagging lambs on the lawn. This is politics and it is spirit.
OBU wants a spiritual politics, one that's angry but knows to
forgive.
How long until OBU
can forgive?
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